Why Courage Will Always Beat Fake Confidence
"Fake it till you make it."
Sounds like good advice—until it starts draining your energy and confidence.
But here's what no one tells you: pretending to be confident is slowly crushing your spirit.
This week, we're unraveling the myth of faking it and exploring the liberating power of authentic courage—showing up just as you are, flaws and all.
The Cost of Faking It
A senior tech executive I worked with once admitted, “For years, I faked confidence in boardrooms. It worked—I climbed the ladder, earned respect. But inside, I felt like a fraud.” Every presentation and meeting felt like stepping onto a stage under glaring lights, the pressure of performing weighing heavier with each act, until the facade became unbearable.
Her story isn't unique. When you fake it, you may achieve external success, but the internal dissonance grows louder. You're left questioning your worth, wondering when someone will "find you out."
The cost?
Burnout: The constant performance takes a toll on your mental and emotional well-being.
Self-Doubt: The louder your achievements, the more your internal voice questions them.
Double Bind: As highlighted by Harvard Business Review (2022), women in particular often face a no-win situation: displaying confidence can lead to negative judgments, such as being labeled aggressive or unlikable, while a lack of confidence is interpreted as insufficient leadership potential. This internal tug-of-war undermines authenticity and fuels self-doubt, trapping many in a cycle of impossible expectations.
Faking confidence builds walls. But courage opens doors.
The Truth About Courage
Here's the insight: Courage isn’t about pretending. It’s about owning your flaws, showing up anyway, and letting your authenticity lead the way. It's taking action despite the fear. Unlike the shallow relief of faking it, courage creates genuine momentum and builds trust—with yourself and others.
My client's turning point came when she decided to stop "faking it" and start leaning into courage. Instead of masking her fear, she acknowledged it. In boardrooms, she began speaking honestly, admitting when she didn't have all the answers. The result? She was seen as more relatable and credible than ever before. Her career didn't just stabilize—it soared, with colleagues and executives commending her authentic leadership style and trusting her more than ever before.
Your Mirror Moment™
Take 5 minutes right now to reflect on these questions:
Where are you pretending to be confident instead of leaning into courage?
What truth about yourself have you been hiding, and how could sharing it empower you?
What's one small act of courage you can take this week—one that feels uncomfortable but liberating?
Use your answers to pinpoint one area where you can shift from pretending to practicing courage. Start small, but commit to it.
Your Challenge
This week, choose ONE moment to be courageously real:
Pick your moment: Identify one meeting or conversation this week where you tend to "fake confidence."
Plan your truth: Write down one truth you’d usually hide—an insight, vulnerability, or question.
Practice courage: Share it authentically, even if it feels vulnerable.
Reflect: Afterward, ask yourself: How did they respond? What felt different? Where did I feel most alive?
Remember, courage is a muscle. The more you use it, the stronger it becomes.
Confidence is built through courage, not pretending. Show up real, and you might just discover that your greatest strength lies in your imperfections.
